By Anne Bosarge
Do you ever assume you know what people need? It’s easy for us to attempt to answer that for people we know well based on our previous experience with them. As parents, we often know our kids’ needs without even hearing a word. You might have a friend so close just by looking at them you can assess what they need. But even with people we know very well, we can make incorrect assumptions. We can assume our spouse needs space when what they really need is for us to come close. We can assume our kids need homework help when what is really needed is a break. It’s always better to ask than assume. If that is true for people we know well, how much truer is it for people we don’t know well!
Several years ago, my husband Corey met a man named Bob who lived in a broken-down van behind the gas station. Corey always went to this gas station to fill up, and every time he would go to the gas station, Corey would see Bob hanging around. Corey and Bob would inevitably strike up a conversation. He quickly learned the owner of the gas station was allowing Bob to leave his van parked there in exchange for Bob’s “protection” when the gas station was closed. Bob was essentially a live-in 89-year-old security guard for this little gas station.
When Corey and Bob’s friendship first formed it was getting cool in the evenings on into the early mornings so Corey assumed Bob needed a blanket. Corey brought him one, and Bob was very grateful. As the weather turned colder, Corey brought him a new coat so he would be warm. Bob enjoyed the coat and was so appreciative. Corey gave him a few new flannel shirts and even some new jeans over the next few months to help Bob stay well dressed and warm. Bob always received them with a smile and a thankful heart. But one day in one of their conversations, Corey took the time to ask Bob what he needed. What Bob said was very surprising. While he had enjoyed the blanket, jacket, shirts and pants, what Bob really needed was an address. Bob needed a place where he could receive mail so when his government checks came, they could be safely collected and delivered to him. Bob didn’t need what Corey assumed he needed; Corey didn’t really know what Bob needed until he asked. Our home became Bob’s new mailing address, and we were able to receive his mail for him and made sure everything was delivered safely.
What do the people in your community need? Are you making assumptions about what they need based on your perception of what you might need in their circumstance? Or have you asked them? Have you taken the time to really listen and ask questions to get at the heart of their need? Does your church seek to discover the needs of the people in the community or are you telling them what they need without asking? The church often throws money at problems because we assume most problems have a financial solution. While money might help on a surface level, often the problem goes much deeper. Maybe someone you know needs a true friendship more than a bag of canned goods. Maybe the homeless in your community need someone to see them and chat with them more than they need another blanket. Or maybe the person who seems to always jump from one drama to the next really needs our Heavenly Father who can ground her in the truth of His Word.
Let’s agree to stop assuming and start listening. Let’s ask questions that allow people to be heard. Let’s listen and seek to give what is really needed when we can, not just what is easy for us to collect and donate. Let’s not lead with our solutions but with their need. We might just discover something about who they really are and what they really need on the other side of our assumptions.
Anne Bosarge serves as the Director of Leadership Strategies and Local Church Resources for the South Georgia Conference. Email her at abosarge@sgaumc.com.
